--not utter, not
useless, the uselessness of desire, the slight
depression around the center

.

--When the motorcycle boy would light
        his cigarette, I longed
for the flat nipples, the scars, the contralto 'when'

.

and after you saw that the flower
of hell is not hell,
        but a flower--

.

How the beautiful boys' nipples in the pool
in Arizona looked
"underwatery"--pennies which have been thrown in

.

--and after you saw
that the flower of hell
was not one bit hell, but a flower--

.

convinced him to take only
his shirt off. They were, well, one
was brown and one was like the inside of a story--

.

--the ones of divers,
how they point down under the wetsuits:

.

        when I first put
my tongue on his (having decided
        he is not my mother) --

.

Oh, the bodies I loved were very tired.
I liked their skin. And
I was no sad animal no graveyard--

.

--and after you saw that desire
is hell, that the flower of hell
is not hell but a flower, well,

.

--So I told the little hairs
around his nipple: lie flat! and they did,
like a campfire, without the stories--

.

those of soldiers in the desert war and often
his left one tastes metallic as in
childhood, when I licked my brother's BB gun

.

Kept not finishing
        people I loved.
I tried, --but.

.

The top lip of a Corona beer
is about the size
of one of his--

.

        And after you saw that the flower
        of hell is desire, the almost, well,
you still had desire--

.

--So the moon came up
pink tonight
like one of what had been missed
 
 

                        --Brenda Hillman, Loose Sugar