The Literature Geek Purity Test

Title For Your Purity Test

Welcome to the Literature Geek Purity Test!
There are 175 questions.
Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
The "submit" button is at the bottom.

Reading

Do you like to read?

at night, under the covers, with a flashlight, so no one could see you?
in public?
… and emotionally reacted to the text in a potentially embarrassing manner (i.e., screaming, laughter, tears)
rather than sleeping?
... and not for an assignment?
on the toilet?
in the bathtub?
in bed?
... during sex?
at the beach?
in a "higher place"? (mountain summit, roof, tree)?
while watching the sun rise/set for a dramatic effect?
while walking?
on the subway?
in the car?
… at stop signs, while driving?
while half-asleep?
in a dream?
in the checkout aisle of the supermarket?
at a national/international landmark?
lit crit for fun?
rather than socializing?
… at mealtimes?
… with your best friend?
… at a party?
… at a party you were hosting?
in lieu of a love life?

Have your eyes ever hurt from reading too much?
... and you continued reading anyway?
... and you took pride in the pain?
Do you visit the library on a regular basis (i.e. at least once or twice a month)?
Have you ever been in a reading circle or book club?
Do you shop at independent bookstores?
...exclusively?
Do you own multiple copies of the same book?
Do you have a "system" for arranging your books at home or in the office (i.e., alphabetical or genre order)?
Have you ever made, or attempted to make, a list of all the books you own and/or have read?

Writing

Do you like to write (poetry, fiction, criticism, letters, creative shopping lists, etc.)?
Do you sometimes hate to write but do it anyway because you feel you're worthless if you don't?

rather than sleeping?
… and not for an assignment?
on the toilet?
in the bathtub?
in bed?
... during sex?
in public?
… and showed some outward sign of excitement at your own genius?
at the beach?
in a "higher place" (mountain summit, roof, tree)?
while watching the sun rise/set for a dramatic effect?
while walking?
on the subway?
in the car?
... at stop signs, while driving?
while half-asleep?
in a dream?
in the checkout aisle of the supermarket?
at a national/international landmark?
lit crit for fun?
rather than socializing?
… at mealtimes?
… with your best friend?
… at a party?
… at a party you were hosting?
in lieu of a love life?

Have you ever participated in a writing group or writing workshop?
Have you ever had writer's cramp, a writing blister, or similar ailment?
Have you ever had writer's block?

Expertise and General Knowledge

Do you have a degree in literature and/or writing?
… at the master's level?
… at the doctoral level?
Do you currently hold a job that reflects your love of reading and/or writing?
Do you tend to describe situations in terms of your favorite books or literary genres (example: "It was such a 19th-century Russian novel moment!")?
Do you frequently quote from books you've read?
… and not just during class or office hours?
... and, in your head, do you hear passages from books you've read?
Do you own copies of the same book, translated into different languages?
... and have you ever analyzed the effectiveness (or ineffectiveness) of any particular translation?
...... and, in the event that you found the translation ineffective, did you attempt to re-translate the book yourself?
Do you know what the General Prologue is? (Hint: "Whan that April with his shoures sote / The droght of March hath perced to the rote...")
… and quote it in casual conversation?
… with a proper Middle English accent?
… do your friends join in and quote with you?

Do you own a dictionary?
... and consult it more than once a month?
... does it have more than one volume?
... did you have to buy/build a new bookshelf to make room for it?
... is it the OED?
Do you know what MLA stands for?
... and are you currently a member?
...... and have you ever been to the MLA Convention?
Do you know the proper style of MLA citation?
... without consulting an example or a handbook?
Do you know what a Norton is?
... do you own one?
... more than one?
... do you use Nortons for purposes other than those for which they are intended (examples: doorstop, coffee coaster, spacer in shelving, etc.)?
Have you ever mutilated or otherwise "seriously misused" a Norton?
... and, if so, did it make you feel "dirty"?
Have you ever purchased books published by smaller presses or academic presses?
... not for a school assignment but for your own enlightenment?
Do you have a "favorite" printing press(es)?
Have you ever read something from a literary, poetry, and/or critical theory journal? (i.e. ZYZZYVA, Yale Review, GLQ)
… that wasn't assigned in class?
…ever bought/stolen/owned a copy of such a journal?
Have you ever submitted something to such a journal?
... and actually gotten published?

genre?
gender?
syntax?
diction?
synecdoche?
iambic?
paradigm?
trope?
matriarch (or any variant)?
daresay?
problematic?
Bloomsbury?
enjambment?
antecedent?
subversive?
postmodern?
pagination?
onomatopoeia?
oh dear?

... and when even the largest of existing words don't suffice, do you make up your own?

Ever done a close reading?
… for fun?
… of something that wasn't a book? (i.e., a conversation with a friend)

Literary Community and Adventures (in Theory)

Have you ever embraced (literally or figuratively) any type of critical or literary theory?
Did you later deconstruct any aspects of that same critical or literary theory because you started feeling the theory was insufficient and/or vague?
Do you enjoy diagramming sentences?
Have you ever tried to combine your pursuit of literature with more "obvious" ways of having fun (i.e. English major parties, margarita and theory night, etc.)?
Do you live with one or more other lit geeks, lit majors, lit professors, critics, writers, etc.?
… if so, do you ever deconstruct during dinner or dessert?
Did you notice the alliteration in the previous question?
… and did you feel it made the meter or rhythm of the sentence awkward?
Do you attend public academic lectures and/or symposiums?
... without being required or expected to attend?
… because you are the main speaker?
… because the main speaker is somehow connected to someone else whose work you admire?
... because the topic genuinely interests you?
... because you have nothing more exciting planned?
... and drag your friends along?
...... and they're still your friends?!

Authorial Intent

Pulitzer Prize?
Nobel Prize for Literature?
Newbery Medal?
MacArthur Genius Fellowship?
other award I didn't think of?
... and have you ever read a prize-winning book and deemed it or its author "not worthy" of the honor?

Do you attend readings of any sort (poetry, literature, author talks, etc.)?
… and sometimes prefer readings to more "fun" events (i.e., concerts, ball games)?
… and make bootleg tapes of, or order tapes of, the reading?
… and trade such tapes with your friends?
Have you ever lectured at, emceed at, or read your own work at, such a reading?
Have you ever helped publicize a reading?
Have you ever had a crush on a literary figure?
… who's dead?
Have you ever constructed a shrine of some sort to a literary figure (living or dead)?
… and had "shrine envy" because someone else's shrine was cooler than yours?
Do you have a webpage or online directory devoted to a writer whose work you like?
Do you own any autographed books?
... any of these autographed books first editions?
... ever hugged or been hugged by any of the autograph-givers?
… referred to the autograph-giver by his/her/hir first name?
… to his/her/hir face?
Have you ever presented flowers or some sort of other gift to a favorite writer?
Have you ever flipped off, or offered a similar gesture to, a well-known writer?
... in his/her/hir presence?

In conclusion...

Are you angrily deconstructing this test…
... because you're even more of a literary snob than I am?
… because you thought of questions I didn't ask?

back to Fort.org

Welcome to the Literature Geek Purity Test! There are 175 questions. Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes". The "submit" button is at the bottom.

Welcome to the Literature Geek Purity Test!
There are 175 questions.
Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
The "submit" button is at the bottom.